The Fight of the
Century - Not! Shannon Stafford March 15, 2002
From the hype surrounding the Celebrity Boxing Match, which aired on FOX, Wednesday, March 13, 2002, you might have been expecting the fight of the century. Instead, you were likely disappointed.
Tonya Harding, Queen of the Ice Skating Underworld, versus Paula Jones, the “Victim” of Clinton. It hardly seemed a contest, especially when Paula paraded out to the boxing ring sporting her brand-new nose. You had to wonder, “she does know who Tonya Harding is, right?” Her makeup was absolutely perfect; she had a good tan, and looked like she was in pretty good shape. She refused to tell her weight to the judges.
Then the bell rang to signal the start of the first round and Paula belted Tonya right in the face. For a split second, the world made sense. Paula got in a few good hits before Tonya had enough, turned around and just whaled on poor Paula Jones. And she kept whaling on her all the way to the third round, when Paula, suddenly conscious that her million dollar nose might be in jeopardy, turned her head, hid her face, and gave up. Meanwhile, Tonya gave Paula a smack on the back of the head that in any other world would have been an instant disqualification, a hit that Paula will remember for years to come.
To her credit, Paula was a last-minute stand-in for Amy Fisher, the Tabloid Lolita. Now that would have been a fight. I’m sure Amy picked up a few tricks at Albion Correctional Facility, where she spent 7 years of a 5 to 15 sentence, but alas, Amy had a parole conflict and couldn’t make the fight. It seems that the Parole Board didn’t think Amy should leave the state of New York to fly to California for the taping of the show. Then there was a small issue about Amy being rewarded with Celebrity status.
By the way, Vanilla Ice, who answers to Rob Van Winkle these days, got mopped up by Todd Bridges, that kid from Diff’rent Strokes and Barry Williams, known in a former life as Greg Brady, threw in the towel to Danny Bonaduce, recognized by fans as little Danny Partridge.
Of course, in the end, it was all for charity.
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